Checking in | dear blog

Dear blog,

I am sorry it has taken me so long to write.  Life has been moving full speed ahead, and I feel like I've been trying to catch up.  I've thought of you almost daily, but I didn't know what I wanted to say that would be pithy and insightful.

Therefore, I decided to write you a letter for the sole purpose of expressing myself.  This might sound a bit like a stream of consciousness expression, but that's the point of a journal anyhow, isn't it?!

Tonight is the Dallas Margarita Ball, and I scored tickets through the help of some awesome friends.  Monica and I decided we should go and scope out the guys and the scene in general.  This will be my first time at the event, which has been running for more than three decades.  Last night, Monica and I shopped for dresses at Northpark, and I think we're ready for action.

Last week, I seriously was about to give up on dating.  I was thinking of throwing in the towel.  Next thing I knew, my friend, Laura, set me up with an attractive, sweet and optimistic guy.  I felt instant chemistry with him, and our first date was in a flower shop, on camera.  He was a great sport, and our hug was my favorite part.  The only problem is that he's planning on moving soon, and he's almost 10 years younger...so, I'm not sure how ready he's going to be to get married in Dallas in February :)

I go back and forth between feeling ready to donate my wedding to someone else and feeling hopeful that I will be the one walking down the aisle.  I've learned and decided that girls fall in love with the idea of "the wedding."  Girls plan the details in their heads - from flowers, to bridesmaids, to colors, to signature cocktails...yet, the groom can be a question mark.  On the other hand, men don't fall in love with the idea of the wedding - they have to fall in love with the girl first.  Women don't need to know who the guy is to envision the wedding.  Yet, men have to be inspired by the right female.  When a man falls in love, he will move mountains to please a woman and to be with her.  Until that moment, the man orbits in a world that is far, far away from wedding land.

I've separated myself from the wedding.  I can remain objective in my quest.  If I were so in love with the idea of the wedding, I'd be engaged by now.  Sure, I'm a little scared of failing in a marriage.  I've seen so many others fail in marriage.  But, I want to win in love and in marriage.  Time will tell...the cliches all ring true - it will happen when you least expect it; you can't hurry love; money can't buy me love; whatever will be, will be...

I'm hopeful, yet realistic.  I do know this - just last week, I went to an event on Tuesday night (totally last minute).  And, I met a guy who declared, "I'm ready to get married."  My friend, Monica, said - you're in luck - she has a wedding planned!  It was hilarious...also, it was fun that the guy and I hung out all night.  Will we get married?  Probably not...but it provided us with a connection, and it was a ton of fun.  I had no expectations when I went to the event.  In fact, I thought I'd be in and out of there...but I ended up connecting with a cute guy and spending all night with him.

In the recent past, my friends and I have set out on the town, on a mission, to find dudes.  And we came up dry.  So, there is some truth in finding "it" when you least expect it.  I wonder what we'll find tonight at the Margarita Ball.  All I know is that I love my new dress and shoes...and it's fun to dress up sometimes (I also love watching movies in sweats on my couch).

I wanted this blog entry to be more "stream of consciousness" - yet I still formed neat paragraphs.  I guess I'm a nerd at heart.  It's easier for me to rant in my paper and pen journal.  Typing forces me into more proper writing.

So, here's a poetic expression - just to try the exercise with a keyboard.  I would love to be in love.  Hearts racing, eyes popping, dance beats in my head.  That feeling when he walks into the room - how my heart goes boom.  Stomach hurts, time stops.  Sun shines even thought it's raining.  It's like puppies at Christmas.  My birthday everyday...the most glorious sunsets on Greek islands.  New territory, a fine glass of wine.  Chatting with best friends...belly laughing and smiles that hurt my cheeks.  The excitement of someone new who seems so familiar.  The comfort and joy....sharing life with someone else.  Feeling like a child about to open a stack of presents....with no cares, no worries, because that someone will always be there.