Grenade

Currently, Grenade by Bruno Mars is my favorite song.  I can feel the love, the pain, the sincerity....and it's all moving to me.

I really hope you all had a great holiday....and that you're gearing up to celebrate New Year's Eve in a fun, special way.  I thought about staying home, and I thought about traveling....but then I was invited to a house party down the street from me, and that seemed like the best option.  I just traveled to Florida for Christmas.  In fact, I'm on a plane right now (thanks to free Wi-Fi from AirTran and Google Chrome), and I am happy to stay put for New Year's.  The house party sounds perfect - it's just a cab ride away, and I'm fairly certain cute boys will be there.

My mom took me to the airport today, and we had a bittersweet goodbye on the curb.  The Florida sun felt so nice and warm on my face, and my mom gave me the warmest embrace.  The memory is sealed in my mind.  I'm so lucky to have the love of a good woman - my mom.  As we said goodbye, she said, "I think 2011 is going to be the best year for you yet.  I can't wait to see how it unfolds."  She said that regardless of my being single or married, the best was yet to come.  I needed to hear those things.  I've never been a wallflower, and I've never been timid or shy.  I'm a confident person.  But, having my mom say that she believes in me and that everything is going to be okay sounds pretty awesome to me.

Having the love of family makes it easy to take a Grenade.  The song is great....I suggest that you listen if you haven't.  Here - I'll make it easy:  http://itunes.apple.com/us/album/doo-wops-hooligans-deluxe/id394571295

I just listened to Grenade a few times from my laptop's iTunes, and now I just saw that I'm connected to Garrett's library.  How exciting!  Oh wait - tease - the library disappeared.  I guess it's back to Grenade.

Did you notice how many random and fun messages you received this holiday season?  Holiday cards from old friends....text messages from old flames....emails and Facebook notes from buddies and family members and phone calls from loved ones?  How great is it to reach out to the ones we love?!  My favorite message came from an ex who said I should come visit him because he's finally broken up with his girlfriend and living alone.  Funny thing is that I still have feelings for him after a number of years.  Too bad he's in Los Angeles.  Ships passing in the night....all the great, long-lost loves of my life.  If I put them all on a ship, I'd have a cruise line.

In the meantime, I look forward to lots of fun in 2011 - with or without a man by my side.  I am holding out for a hero - the one who would catch a Grenade for me.

Snakes on a Plane

Just kidding.  No snakes.  Just poodles – or one, actually.  Zoe is on the plane.

Hi Blog,

Life is good.  Did you know that?  Did you know that it’s good to take a breath, to eat pretzels, to have a hamburger and Coors Light at the Atlanta airport while waiting for a connecting flight?  It is so good!!!!!  As long as I’m able to take a breath, I know that I’m alive.  And I know that I have a chance to make a difference.  In my 35 years of life, I have made a difference.  I’ve made people notice.  They have looked.  An adorable woman in her eighties just stared at me at the airport bar.  I caught her glance, and we smiled at each other.  I saw through her – into her soul.  I saw her as a playful, beautiful soul.  Strangers surround me right now, yet I feel completely at ease.  In fact, I feel really happy.  I haven’t felt this happy in a while.  I am at peace with my destination.  At peace with my journey.  I love my life – I love this life.  I have nine pounds to lose, and I don’t care.  I know that most of it appears in my boobs and behind, and I’ve had no complaints so far.  I’m at ease with my path in life and love.  I am excited about the possibility of donating my Feb 15 wedding to a loving, deserving couple.  I want to help people find love and seal the deal.

I’m pretty sure I’m going to get married in Vegas.  I don’t know when and I don’t know to whom, but I know it’s gonna be pretty rad.  Zoe will be there.  Elvis will be there.  My parents will be there – my 84-year-old grandma will be there.  Maybe some of the strangers I’m about to meet will be there.

I’m in love.  With myself.  And my God.  I feel so complete – so completely wonderful.  I don’t need a man.  I want one.  I have my eye on a few.

Merry Christmas.  Happy Hanukkah.  Happy Birthday, Baby Jesus.  Happy Kwanzaa.  Let them know it’s Christmas.  Feed the world.  Feed yourself.  Feed your baby.  Make a baby.  Just live and love – and mainly, love yourself.

The truth

Hello Mr. Blog or Mrs. Blog - I'm not sure what your gender should be.  Maybe you're androgynous.  I’m listening to Scissor Sisters right now, so I’m feeling extra inspired.  I’ve completed week one of my diet and power yoga journey (thank you, Jenny Craig and YogaSport Dallas).  No thank you to dating and stress for adding an extra thirteen pounds.  Not nice!  But thank you to me for re-gaining some control (except for last night at my friend’s birthday party, where I celebrated like it was my own birthday and/or 1999).  Sometimes – you play, you pay.  I paid this morning when I arrived at a dance class at Equinox.  However, the burlesque moves were good for my booty-shaking soul, and for my headache.  Actually, the yoga has loosened me up – I felt like I could handle the dance moves better than ever.  And, Vickie, who taught the burlesque class, promises I can become a dancer with her tutelage.  I’m 35, yet I feel like I’m just getting to know my body.  Yoga provides amazing awareness – I think that’s why I’ve run away from it in the past.  I couldn’t handle the truth!  The truth is that I’m weak, I’m always learning, I’m clumsy and awkward when I try the tree pose.  But, the good news is that my body is responsive, I am strong, I am powerful, and I can practice.  I love how yogis say that yoga is called a practice for a reason – it’s not called a perfect.  I love that attitude for yoga and for life.

The other good news is that I lost two pounds in a week.  Yay.  I’m more focused on myself than ever, which feels awesome.  Funny thing is I’ve met a lot of guys recently, and many of them have asked me out.  But, I’d rather go to power yoga, come home, eat a healthy meal, hang with my pup, Zoe, and get a good night’s rest.  I think I’m sort of sick of dating.  Ha!  I’m sure some of you are laughing.  You’re thinking – no kidding.  Yup, I said it – I’m over dating.  I’d rather hang in groups and let it click when it clicks.  Plus, I’m starting to think the cliché is true – love happens when you least expect it.  I’m done expecting it.  In fact, I don’t think I really want to get married in February.  I said that, too!  HA!  Look at all this awareness.  Yet, since I don’t really ‘want’ it (for real), and I’m not looking for it, this is the time when it’s most likely to happen.  How whack is that??  There’s still time in time for February 15th for some incredible man to sweep me off my feet.  But I don’t care whether it happens or not.  Because I’m good.  I’m good on my own.  I don’t need companionship.  I’d like it at some point.  All of this – Project Husband – came from a simple thought at my friend’s wedding.  If I planned a wedding in a year, I’d get married, too…or so I thought.  It never was about desperation.  It was about self-exploration – and boy, am I exploring!

Yes, I thought I’d probably be engaged by now.  But I’m not!  And it’s cool with me…

I had a fun chat this morning with a cute guy who lives in Houston.  But he doesn’t want to get married.  So it’s just fun.  And what’s wrong with fun?  I’d rather have fun with someone for the rest of my life and stay single than rush into something stupid and be miserable in order to be married.  Wow – it feels so good to be so honest with you Mr. Blog.  I love this honesty.  I think it’s the yoga talking!!!!!

Speed dating and power yoga

In the last week, I found two powerful approaches to dating and exercise.  First, I found speed dating.  It just makes so much sense.  Why spend one entire evening with one date when you can meet ten?  Granted, all ten weren't amazing, but I really enjoyed meeting lots of new people.  The funniest part about speed dating is the way that eight minutes can feel like 8 seconds or 80 minutes, depending on the date.  

FastLife (http://www.fastlife.com/) did a great job of organizing the evening, and the biggest bonus of all -- I met a great new girlfriend!  Some of the guys were pretty cool, too.  All in all, a night is never a wasted when it brings about new friends.

Shortly after my speed dating session, I learned about Power Yoga at YogaSport in Dallas (http://www.yogasportdallas.com/) -- and it was the perfect place to spend a Friday evening.  I felt the most amazing high at the end of the session -- a sense of euphoria that I hadn't felt in a long time....if ever.  I was at peace, in a state of relaxation and bliss.  The room was heated to 90 degrees, and the space was full of energy.  I was greeted by Angela, the instructor -- and and I have to say that she's done an amazing job with her studio.  I felt as if every muscle in my body was engaged, and I was grateful for the workout.

This past week was powerful -- speed dating, power yoga and relaxation with friends.  I'm less focused on dating right now.  I'm more focused on myself -- and it feels good.    

My thoughts on love and marriage

Recently, I answered some interview questions that were posed to me by a college student, and I thought I'd share the results...

Have you always wanted to get married? Would you say that all little girls do?  When I was little, I figured I'd get married.  When I was in college, I thought I'd be married by the time I turned 25.  My parents divorced when I was in my early twenties, and I started to fear marriage and divorce.  Upon turning 35, I figured the risk was worth the reward in marriage, so I felt ready - ready to find a soul mate and start a family.

What was your first understanding of love and marriage?  Mom and Dad in love with each other - raising children and a family.

How was your family life growing up; what were the dynamics of your relationship with your Mother, Father, Siblings, etc?  I was an only child for 27 years.  I have a half-brother who just turned 9.  I grew up with my parents as my best friends.  To this day, they still are my best friends.

Do you feel that you are marketing yourself, your charms, your personality?  I do...

Would you say that anyone on facebook or twitter, those who blog, are all marketing themselves in one way or another?  Absolutely.  The tools allow individuals to create their own brands - the brand called YOU.

What would your response be to a person who believed you were using marriage as commodity?  I suppose it is a commodity on some level - with all the goods and services that are exchanged for money.  But I'm willing to donate my sponsored wedding to a deserving couple if I do not find love in time for the wedding date...thus, I'm looking for love - the real deal - and it's not about the $$$ involved in a wedding or marriage.  I just want to make it legal, binding and lasting when I find it.

Do you believe that all people do (use marriage as a commodity)?  At some level, marriage becomes commercialized - like Christmas.  But it's important to keep in mind the true meaning and purpose - love, comfort, joy...

Where would you say that your desire to get married comes from?  A desire to love and be loved, to start a family and foundation for raising children.

On top of that, where would you say that your desire to wear make up, wear dresses, have an adorable little dog, and shop all come from?  My mom!  And girly magazines - and an innate desire to be loved and appreciated.

Do you believe that the differences between women and men are inherent or constructed?  Both.  Biological differences are undeniable - however, personalities vary within genders.  Some women like "guy" things like shooting guns or sports, and some guys like "girl" things - like fashion, shopping and design.  Clearly, the media likes to highlight the masculine nature of men and feminine nature of women, but I believe our social constructs are changing and people are allowed to be themselves today more than ever - whether they want to be girly girls or manly men or none of the above!

The last questions I can think to ask, is what is important to you?  In life - relationships + love, mental, physical, spiritual and emotional health are the most important elements.  I want to find someone who suits me and complements me - someone who shares my values and can be my partner for life.

Puppies, boys and marriage

I just squeezed my pup, Zoe, as I was working on a marketing proposal.  Then, I remembered wanting a puppy as a little girl.  I reflected on why I wanted a puppy so much.  I wanted the adorable face and squeezable body.  I wanted the shiny coat, the sparkly eyes and the playful persona.  For many of those reasons, I suppose, I wanted to find a boy...

Today, I want a man.  I want a husband.  But, it's easy to get caught up in the shiny, playful aspect of love. What about the annoying walks, the empty food bowls, the snoring, the poop and the smelly dog smell??

Those items apply to boys as much as they apply to puppies.

My conclusion is that true love is worth it - the amazing love and adoration we receive is worth the potty cleanup, the laundry, the bathing, the acceptance....

Luckily, I have the unconditional love of my poodle.  However, I'd be more lucky with the love of a man...and the love of a family.  I want to be a mother.  I want to experience the beauty of creation...not only in my own works (musically, visually) but also in my generativity - the legacy I leave with my own children.

Is marriage outdated?  Time Magazine has a great article on the subject.  It seems to me that marriage is what we want it to be.  When we find each other - two individuals who want the same things - we can have it all.  We can have love forever....the flames of passion, friendship and commitment.  Self determination and modern times give us a choice - to be happy - to define happiness - in our own subjective ways.