Thursday, October 21, 2010

Dating without drinking

It has been almost four weeks since I had my last alcoholic beverage.  This was a choice I made with the help of my relationship coach, Barbara.  Here are some of the results of dating without drinking:

- fewer drinks
- less money spent on alcohol
- fewer dates
- higher incidents of declined date offers (where I said "no")
- fewer late night text messages
- more sleep
- better skin
- less fun (at times)
- more time for reflection
- more relaxation
- less anxiety

I really am looking forward to having a drink on Monday - it will be my first drink in a month, and it will be delicious!  And, I will be a much cheaper date.  And, I have found some clarity.  I have realized that drinking while dating can create false connections, false hope and false happiness.  I believe a best first date is one that does not involve alcohol.  A couple needs to get to know each other in a sober situation before introducing alcohol.

During my hiatus from drinking, I realized that some of the guys I had been seeing were not that compelling to me - that the connections were not real.  I also realized that just about anyone can be fun after a few drinks...

Finally, I got to spend some time by myself - without so many dates - and I got to reduce some of the beer bloat I had been feeling!!

I won't give up on alcohol forever - it is a great social lubricant.  But it needs to be used with caution - especially during the beginning of a relationship - and in general when a connection can be compromised by too much alcohol.

Saying no to alcohol is a good exercise - try'll see how much society relies on it for social interactions.  And, you'll see how much you don't really need it.  If you want to save money (and face), ask for a club soda when you're out - you'll feel great all night and even better in the morning.  And, most of the time, bartenders don't charge for it.  You'll have no beer goggles, and you'll cut down on the beer gut.


  1. this is a great and insightful post Lisa...good for you! XOOXOXOX

  2. Absolutely true! I've been practicing this for several years now & although it has cut down on my dating, I never felt better, have saved a lot of money, & don't get beer goggles anymore!

  3. Agree, Lisa. That is how you can meet someone who could become a real friend first and then it might go on to something more. That is how Ventana and I started. It's been 14 years of a very happy marriage. Good fortune!


  4. You know, I never thought about this. But this is a really good point. Drinking and dating can change the way you feel about the person. I think I'm going to (try to) do this in the future too!