Sunday, July 18, 2010

Older men

Last night, I had a wonderful date with an older man.  The ladies at No Excuses introduced me to Terry at a happy hour last month, and we had our first date last night.  Terry planned the entire date, which was great!  I love a man who knows how to take charge in dating.  He chose Sangria for dinner, and his choice was fantastic by me.  I love tapas and anything that reminds me of the summer I studied in Spain.  Terry is the oldest man I've dated.  He has three adult daughters, who sound wonderful and amazing.

One very notable thing about Terry is that he brought me the most beautiful flowers.  I have dated 45 different men since launching my project five months ago, and Terry is the first one to bring me flowers!  Is it because he's from an older generation?  Is he more in touch with chivalry?  He was quick to open doors and take charge during the date.  I liked it.  I'm empowered, but I feel it's nice to avoid role confusion during a date.  I like that he took the lead.  In a way, dating is like a dance.  One person needs to lead.  I think it's most natural to let the male lead.  Plus, men seem to need more time to buy into the idea of love.  I think it's most organic to let the man decide that the woman is a priority.  When I've decided in the past to make a man a priority and take the lead, the relationship has not worked.  I'm just saying that it's healthy to allow a man to be a man.  Yet, Terry and I discussed the fact that he likes independent women.  He said he was intimidated to meet me.  He had listened to my music and read about my professional and educational background, and, of course, my project.  I couldn't believe he was intimidated to meet me!  I was intimidated by him....he's raised three children, had a successful oil and real estate business and lived a full life!  How could he be intimidated by me.....nearly 30 years younger than himself.  The cool thing is that we related to each other as complete individuals - as whole people - bringing unique experiences to the table.  He totally respects me, and I respect him.  To me, that is the new chivalry - a man who can be a man while respecting a woman who is whole and complete on her own.  Thus, the dance of dating has a leader, but both partners can stand on their own.  They can move in sync to create a beautiful partnership, while holding onto their individual qualities and strengths.  Terry was wonderfully communicative and affectionate, and he was complimentary, in a very sincere way.

After dinner, Terry planned to take me to see live music (which he chose before he knew I was a musician).  He said that when we first met, all he knew was that I was cute and fun.  He didn't know much else, but he was curious.  Despite our age difference, we had a lot in common - passion for live music, travel, new experiences, love, knowledge, respect, being on the water, fishing and fun.  We saw an incredible band at Pearl in Deep Ellum.  I had never been to the venue or seen the band, and it was a great vibe!!  Terry has good taste.  I also taught him about Words With Friends and Live Poker on his iPhone, so we taught each other some things!

At Pearl, we ran into my friend, Kim, and her boyfriend and friend, and it was nice to have some friends join our date.  It took a little pressure off the one-on-one.  I saw many couples around us, however, and I think Saturday night is date night!!  Nonetheless, I like blending a date with socializing with friends.  One-on-one is great, but I love socializing in groups, as well.  I need to be with someone who understands my need to be social.  Terry was a great date - it was a really nice evening, and I feel like I've made a new friend.  Will the age difference be too big for a more serious connection?  I don't know...but either way, I think he is a wonderful person, and I'm really happy to have the chance to know him.

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