It will happen when you least expect it?

Yesterday, I received the same advice from two trusted male friends.....they said - don't try too hard - it will happen when you least expect it.  I have heard this same sentiment multiple times from men since launching my Project Husband journey.

I appreciate the input, and I agree on some levels.  For instance, I know that I recently found a wedding dress when I wasn't looking for one.  During a trip to Greece, I finally found a taxi on Santorini when my group stopped looking for one.  When I go shopping, I tend to find things when I'm not really looking.  Recently, when I was looking for a formal gown for a friend's wedding, I shopped for hours with no luck.

However, in finding a mate and a husband, I've spent my entire adult life not looking for one - in fact, I think I pushed some away.  I haven't been shopping for a man to complete my life.  I have been working to form my own identity, to reach my own potential and to achieve self actualization.  Upon turning 35, something changed for me.  I was open to the idea of being married for the first time.  As a girl and young adult, I thought I'd probably get married because that's what I was supposed to do.  The longer I lived my life as a single, self-sufficient, empowered woman, the easier it was to remain alone.  However, I started to realize the potential happiness involved in a solid and loving marriage.  For the first time, I felt I would get married because I finally wanted to do so.

Now, I feel completely open to the idea of sharing my life with someone and committing to a marriage.  I know it won't be easy - but I know that the most wonderful things I've experienced in life involved risk and hard work.  No risk, no reward.  No pain, no gain.  It's true!!  And, the harder I work, the luckier I get...

So, I challenge everyone to re-think the relationship advice - "it will happen when you least expect it."  Let's re-phrase that - "it will happen when your heart is open to it, but you can't force it, and you can't make someone love you."  Think of the Bonnie Raitt song.

I know I can't control a man and can't force one to fall in love with me and want to marry me.  But I can let the world know that I am ready to commit to a great, loving man.  And, I believe that the Law of Attraction will lead me to my man.  I'm putting a timeline on this as a social experiment - and because I don't want life to pass me by.....World - I'm ready!  Help me find the man of my dreams because he's meant for me and because of the synchronicity involved in my prompting to launch Project Husband.

Don't put all your eggs in one basket

The saying is a good one - don't put all your eggs in one basket.  Diversify your interests and the foundation of your happiness.  I'm enjoying the time to date and explore, and my dad gave me good advice yesterday about continuing to diversify my dating pool.

As a result (maybe just coincidentally), I have two first dates scheduled this week and another next week.  It's as if potential bachelors are crawling from the woodwork.  One guy I met on match.com sang in the same choir I did at the University of Virginia.  How small world is that?!  Another contacted me through LinkedIn.com and is a singer/songwriter with a corporate career, as well.  He sent me links to his material, and he's got talent.

Thus, my conclusion for the week is that dating requires tenacity, optimism and diversity.  Don't rush it - continue to meet new people, enjoy the connections, let truth emerge in time, and stay true to yourself.  Listen to your gut, but keep an open mind.  I've started a spreadsheet for my potential bachelors so that I can keep them straight!!  :)      

Dating update | it's all good....

So, I've had a 7th date with a very compelling man.......we shall see!!!  At this point, I'm pretty crazy about him.  He is a fit with my initial job spec (which is rather stringent).  He makes me feel amazing.  His smile lights up the room for me.  We are still getting to know each other, and it's fun...

I have a 1st date tomorrow night with a new friend of a friend.....he isn't my type per se, but he is positive and upbeat, which I like.

I may have screwed up a little with another date who wanted to meet but said he's camera shy.  The dilemma is that I prefer a date who is up for the public face of Project Husband, but there may be some great guys out there who tend to be more private and uninterested in the media aspect of my journey.  However, I am trying to keep an open mind (but I feel inclined to prioritize the dates who aren't scared of the camera)....I hope this particular guy (who said he is a private person) will still want to meet in light of everything.  We have mutual friends, so I want to meet him....!!  If nothing else, it will be good to have another friend.  And maybe he'd be a fit for someone I know if not for me....

Yesterday was an amazing day - busy, stressful and then rewarding, with my church service in the morning (where I lead music each Sunday) and then Chick Singer Night at the House of Blues (with rehearsals all afternoon).  The stress came from time pressure.  I was out with a date Saturday night and had to wake up in a hurry for church Sunday and then rush to the House of Blues event.  I felt so much stress and time pressure by the time I got to HOB that I thought I might implode.  Luckily, my girlfriends, Cyndie and Margie, were there to listen, let me vent and have a drink to calm the nerves.  We agreed one glass of wine would be perfect....no more, no less.  Happily, the show went well....it exceeded my expectations.  The band was amazing, as always....the singers were varied and fun-spirited...and talented!!  The first act I included in the show was waking Norman - and the acoustic trio took my breath away.  I love the full band, as well, but the trio's harmonies and energy were fantastic (out of this world).  And my date was there to show his support.....it was all good....I loved taking in the music, performing my songs, enjoying the atmosphere, meeting new people, greeting friends and sitting next to a great guy....

5th date + cancellation

Yesterday, I had a 5th date at lunchtime and a 2nd date scheduled for the evening......

The 5th date was going very well, and we ended up grabbing an early dinner.  During dinner, I heard from my evening date that he was working late, so I spent more time with my original date...and for the evening date, he snoozed, he lost.

Funny how in life we can plan and control and then have to flex....I've found that the flexing can lead to the most fun.  With my date from yesterday, the chemistry is strong...and being apart a couple of days makes it stronger.  I feel good about the progress and the connection.  It will be good to have some new first dates to compare and contrast.

So far, so good....but I need to find a couple of new candidates for some interaction, some film clips and some new insight.  Throughout this process, I want to reflect upon and share my dating experiences and learning experiences.  So far, my main conclusion is that nothing can be forced.  If the timing isn't right, or if the chemistry isn't there, the relationship is over before it begins.  If someone is too eager or too distant, wires get crossed.  Dating requires a delicate balance of mutual interest, separate lives, scheduling, timing and luck.  So, wish me luck!

My short list of "interview" questions

So, my previous boss in executive recruiting encouraged me to refine my original list of "interview questions" into open-ended deal breaker questions.  He said I should avoid leading the candidate.....in other words, I need questions that get to the heart of the person rather than to the heart of my desired answers!!  My mom and her gal pal encouraged me to be less business-oriented when asking questions, and my friend, Stacy, encouraged me to be firm in what I want.  All good advice!!!!

Here is my refined list:

What are your views on having a family/children?
How do you feel about music?
Describe your relationship with your immediate family.
How do you feel about pets?
What are your spiritual or religious beliefs?
What are your long-term goals?
What is your idea of adventure?
What is your personal view on finance and money?

Shopping and wardrobe | color it up

Since launching Project Husband, I have learned something very important - wardrobe and color can communicate for me before I say a word.  Yes, this isn't rocket science, but I didn't want to admit that I needed to re-think my presentation.  Those of you who know me can recall that I, historically, have worn black almost all the time....it's just so easy and slimming and clean-looking!!  

At a friend's birthday party, I talked with an independent stylist who got her start at Barney's New York.  She noticed that I was often photographed in black and happened to be wearing black that evening.  She did the impossible - she convinced me to add color to my wardrobe.  Lately, I have sported deep purple, red and turquoise shirts, and I realized that the stylist was right on target!  Before saying a word, I get a reaction from people such as - that purple is really working for you, or you look so great in that color, or you are my hero!!  Now, part of this reaction is my renewed spirit and sense of purpose.  However, the color choices are reinforcing my internal feelings and thoughts.  

Tonight, I am going shopping with my pastor's daughter - she is a Styling Director for JCPenney, and she always looks amazing.  We are going to the Galleria to hope for some good buys and wardrobe enhancers.  I know I'm in good hands with her...

Dating is a game, and it helps to have all the right pieces.  My offensive tactics involve colorful ammunition and colors that speak for themselves....sending all the right signals.  It's amazing how I feel better about myself in a vivid color, as well....  

Now, I won't abandon my love of black clothing and accessories - my love for black pants, belts, shoes, nail polish, car and poodle (favorite accessory) will never subside.  However, I love the contrast of black with a color that pops.  It's so fun!!!!  

4 dates straight

Last night marked the fourth consecutive date I had with a fantastic guy I just met through a mutual friend in our social network.  We saw each other each night after we met....it was kind of crazy, I admit, but he initiated the plans, and our schedules were aligned, so I went for it.  Plus, yesterday was his birthday....

Nonetheless, I had an immediate connection with this guy, and it just continued to flow.  The crazy thing is that I started to doubt it for a minute last night.  At first, I got scared and was thinking there was a red flag.  He had only been sweet and funny and charismatic....but I was thinking it was all too good to be true.  For a fleeting moment, deep, dark doubt filled my mind.  As much as I had wanted to find someone like this, I started to react by thinking I should push him away.  I let the thoughts ruminate in my brain and the feelings emerge in my heart, but I thought about them further....and I realized the doubt came from the failures I had in past relationships.

Today, with a clear head, I could be more objective.  I know he's a good thing...but I'm glad we're having a night apart tonight, so that we can miss each other a little!  It's good to keep separate lives when getting to know each other (and after the confirmed union).  But, is it human to want to hold onto something good and experience it everyday when it feels so natural?  Do we have to fight the human urge in order to maintain the space required for a strong relationship?  The cool part for me is that I didn't have to put on the brakes - I manage an open mic on Tuesdays from 7 to midnight, which means we can't have plans tonight.  And, he didn't ask me to spend time with him tonight, so it's happening organically that we're creating some space.  

The early part of the relationship is so exciting and addictive....leaves us wanting more and consumed with thoughts of the other person.  It's an awesome feeling, but it's scary at the same time....because, what if this one ends like all the others did?  What if we hurt each other?  What if we let each other down?  It was so much easier to be alone....yet this person inspires me to be a better person and inspires me to want to share my life.  I feel so connected so soon, yet there is still so much more for us to learn about each other.  A little space and time will make the ride that much better.  I'm excited for the adventure.  I'm lucky to have met someone great who wants to spend time with me.  I just have to stay positive and have faith that everything will be okay...and I will find my bliss with the right person.

Cleaning the apartment

Have you ever noticed that the anticipation of a guest to your home inspires unusual cleaning activity?  Well, that very thing happened to me yesterday.  I knew my date was picking me up, and I invited him up to the apartment before our date (this was a 3rd date).  As I looked around my apartment, I noticed dust and grime in places where I had not looked for a while.  For instance, I decided to remove the burners on my stove and clean the detachable metal pans in the dishwasher.  I even cleaned my Sonicare toothbrush stand and cover because they were looking dirty.  Even Zoe's little squeaky toy got thrown in the dishwasher.

I did laundry, ran the dishwasher, dusted shelves, moved pictures and candles into more desirable locations, cleaned the floors with my Swiffer Wetjet and vacuumed the carpets.  While I was putting my toaster in the cabinet, I knocked down a glass jar of cinnamon.  This jar was from Whole Foods - delicious and full of cinnamon.  The container fell onto my tile floor and exploded into glass pieces and powder dusting of good smelling but painful-to-clean-up spice.  The cleaning exercise became exhausting and required many paper towels, a vacuum and Swiffer.  I had to take a break from the activity to eat something.

Ultimately, my apartment looked great - and I realized that I took so much more care when I was having a first-time visitor.  Shouldn't I care that much about my own surroundings?  The answer is yes, but in reality, we all get busy, and cleaning the stove pans isn't a priority when bills have to be paid.

Nonetheless, I found the entire exercise to be pretty funny, and I figured other people probably could relate...happily, I had a great date, and my place still looks awesome!

Also, it is worth noting that my date met Zoe (my poodle), and he passed the test.  He really seemed to like her, and he played with her.  She loved it.....she's pretty easy to please.  I'm just pleased that he not only tolerated her but also paid attention to her.

Marathon second and third date

I know they say - take your time, don't rush love....etc. etc.  But this is progressing naturally and easily....don't worry - I'm not throwing the towel in yet.  I still have two other dates scheduled this week with a bunch of performances, events and meetings to keep me very busy.

However, after my 10-hour first date on Friday with a great, compelling man, I found myself in his company the following two nights.  He initiated all the plans, and I was able to accept.  For our second date, we had a game night at his place.  I brought wine, and he brought the games.  Now, these were strategy games he has played for years, and they were all new to me....as a result, I lost each and every game we played that night, and I felt challenged and defeated.  But, I have always been a good sport (won the sportsmanship award for varsity field hockey in high school), so I stayed true to the game and kept my poker face.  I did admit that he was good....and that I had the disadvantage.  We then watched an amazing band from Mexico on DVD, and I translated the lyrics for him.  This is one of his favorite bands, and he's been listening with no idea regarding content.  So, I got a boost from being able to share some knowledge he didn't have.

Further, his apartment was immaculate.  No clutter, great decor, tasteful, refined yet fun...great location, layout, building.  He is super clean and organized, which is attractive...

For our date the next evening (which was last night), I suggested a game night on my home turf - Megatouch.  Corner Bar in Uptown has Megatouch, so that was our venue for the evening.  I managed to beat him at all of my games....and he admitted that I had won that round.  I definitely felt a sense of accomplishment.  But I think it's good that we each have our strengths and can learn from each other.  It's not fun for one person to win all the time...It just feels natural being with and near him.  He is fun-spirited with a gorgeous smile and dark hair.....he's tall and dreamy.  It's his birthday today, so I am going to see him tonight after we both complete our other plans.  Then, the week gets super busy for me, and I may not see him for a few nights, so I'm enjoying it while I can - while keeping all options open...nonetheless, I do have a good feeling about this one.

Marathon first date

Yesterday afternoon, I met a first date....and it was incredible!  He initially emailed me after a friend sent him my Facebook Project Husband page.  His email was witty and sincere, and we met for the first time yesterday afternoon at Starbucks in West Village.  I arrived just a minute before he did, and when he walked in the door, I recognized him right away and felt an immediate connection.  We waited in line to get our beverages and started talking about travel and ethnicity.  The conversation continued that way throughout the date - it was effortless to talk to this guy.  Also, he brought along a travel version of Connect Four.  So, we sat outside, sipping our drinks and playing Connect Four.  He distracted me with conversation, and he's a good strategist, so he beat me several times at the game, while I won only once.  I admit I felt defeated, especially since he said that he'd marry a girl who could beat him at Connect Four.  He did tell me that although I lost several times, I had scored points with our conversation.

The weather was perfect - the company was excellent....after 2 hours at Starbucks, we decided to change venues.  And, he took me to Sushi Axiom.  I love the place....it was my first time.  He had a bunch of games in his car from a recent game night, and he had one in particular that caught my eye - Bop It Extreme.  He said that if I could score 20 points, we'd get married....it was a challenge!  As we drove to the restaurant, I got a hang of the game.  At the restaurant, we had some wine and sushi, and it was a completely comfortable and fun experience being with him.  In between sashimi and wine, I played the Bop It game again, and I scored 27.  His high was 26.  So, I had found a game that I could win and put myself back in the running for marriage material.  

After a couple hours of eating and talking, and a science trick (where he balanced forks on a toothpick on a glass) and some picture taking and a little video of the Bop It challenge, we decided to move elsewhere.  He wanted to take me to a great dessert spot, but by the time we got there, both of us were full.  So then we decided to check out a movie.  We went to Mockingbird Station and checked out the opening night of Mother.  We were an hour early for the movie, so we sat and had a drink and chatted some more.  As we sipped our drinks, I told him how I needed a date in Vegas on April 9th, and he booked his flights!

The movie started, and we got close, holding hands....which reminded me of being in 8th grade at the movies, for some reason.  The movie was intense and long and slow but brilliant in some parts.  Even though it was a slow moving film, the company was incredible, and I really enjoyed sitting next to him.

After the movie ended, he took me to my car (and we were listening to Andrea Bocelli in his car, by the way).....and it was a perfect good night kiss and hug to end a perfectly fun evening.  By the time I got to my car, it was 1am, and we had first met at 3pm.  A 10 hour first date....with possible plans this afternoon and a Vegas date....success!!  This one is a keeper for sure...    

First singles mixer at HOB Foundation Room + coffee date

Last night's singles mixer was SO FUN!  We had video captured by Casey Romanski and photos by Anna Webb of the CW 33, as well as Kelle from Premiere Photography.  You can see a photo gallery right now at www.projecthusband.com

I reconnected with a guy I dated about a year ago....and it was really nice to see him!  I said, I always liked you....and he said the same....so we'll see what comes from that.  The connection was palpable....love that.

Also, I met 4 un-camerashy guys who would like to go on a date.  Success!  One new guy I met actually said, I love attention!  It was hilarious.....I saw people connecting and laughing and having a good time, so I'd say the event was successful.  The Foundation Room was very gracious to allow me to have the event at the venue....And, we had a fun after party at Ocean Prime....I remained with the recurring boyfriend.  So, I had a date for the night!  Love that.

This morning, I had a coffee date with a friend and singer/songwriter, Daniel Crisler.  We arranged the date and wrote a song together.  It's called Morning After, and I love it.  I can't wait to get a good production of it.  Then, Stuart at Urban Dog Coffee busted out his high-quality lens and took some photos of us as a couple.  It felt like prom.  We even did a prom pose.  Then, Stuart made us fake kiss, but it wasn't all that fake.  Daniel is adorable but considerably younger....early 20s.  He is a total sweetheart and good guy all around.  I love our song.  I love what we created together.  I love building our friendship.  I got to know a lot more about him today, and we've been friends for several months.

Dating is great!  Whether the date leads to the husband, it reinforces relationships - or allows me to see which relationships are not worth pursuing.

I haven't had time for lunch - better eat something.  I have a coffee date at 3pm with someone who emailed me from my Project Husband video.  He seems fascinating, educated, articulate, funny and cute...

Executive recruiting approach revised | inequality not equation

I had developed a [husband] position description with an executive recruiting approach, and I received input from my mom and her pal, Becky, over this past weekend in Florida.  They said the approach was too business-oriented and that it did not address the softer elements of being in a strong relationship.  Since they're both married and have years of marriage experience, I decided that I better listen!  Thus, I am revising my earlier position description.

Further, I just got off the phone with my previous boss (who has multiple years of executive recruiting experience and marriage experience).  He told me that I had formulated too many questions.  The result would be too much inconclusive information.  I completely agreed with him.  When I applied the questions in a recent date (in an interview format), it came across as cold.  And, I felt detached from the person I was interviewing.  In the past, I had felt chemistry with him, but the interview questions put a wedge between us.  On the other hand, I did learn some important information about his views regarding family and children.  Those views could be deal breakers.

Thus, my conclusion is that I need to narrow down my questions to the deal breaker questions.  My ex-boss suggested 5 questions.  Becky, my mom's friend, suggested 3 questions - to be answered in a video format.  Ultimately, I need 3-5 critical questions to ask in each date.  Timing will be important....that I will continue to judge.  However, as my recruiter boss (and mom and Becky) pointed out, there are no questions that can point to the presence of chemistry.  Chemistry has to be ascertained through visceral observations and gut feelings.

How exciting and enigmatic is this?!  I was looking for a formula, and it doesn't appear that an  exact equation exists.  I do know that two is better than one (listening to that song as I type). Therefore, mathematically, I know I am looking for an inequality rather than an equation.  I need the person who completes my 2 > 1 inequality.

Texas Wedding Guide | Cover Model Contest

Vote for me for the Texas Wedding Guide Cover Model Contest!!  I'm wearing a red top, and the photo says Premiere Photography...

http://www.txweddings.com/contest/1122

This would be AWESOME PR for Project Husband and could help me reach more potential grooms!!

Miami weekend recap

This past weekend was a ton of fun - I spent time with girlfriends at a bachelorette party in Miami and enjoyed a fantastic day at the beach Saturday.  I was scheduled on a flight Saturday night, but the flight was delayed, then cancelled.  I was annoyed at first, but I took a cab back to meet my friends, and I ended up having a fantastic night.

The girls were at a club called Liv, and it was packed when I arrived close to midnight.  We had to work some magic with the bouncers, but soon, I was inside sipping champagne with some new friends.  I proceeded to meet two beautiful girls from Atlanta, who were excited about a singles mixer in their city.

I learned that the bachelorette was ready to go, so I finished my champagne and headed back to our hotel.  We decided to have drinks on the front patio of our hotel, and it became a revolving door for various groups of guys.  The group that stayed was a bachelor party - affiliated with the bride's fiance's brother....small world!  I met a cute Russian, and we all stayed up talking and sipping cocktails until the sun came up.  I had been re-booked on a flight the following morning, so I decided to forget about sleeping...I stayed up all night.

Ironically, I ended up running into one of the girls in the lobby while waiting for a cab.  We shared a ride to the airport, and it was so nice to spend more time with my friend.  It's funny how a change in plans can bring unexpected connections and fun.

Also, as I stayed up talking with my friends on the patio of the hotel, new connections and ideas for Project Husband emerged - including a contact who started his own dating site, a producer at MTV and a new friend who works for a record label in Chicago.  None of these contacts would have emerged without my flight cancellation....thus, it was a happy accident.

Now, it's back to dating in Dallas....I'm working on new video footage and of course, I'm working on finding my man - but I'm going to trust the process and keep the faith.  Nothing shall be forced.

Urban Dog Coffee Date + wedding dresses

Yesterday's date was at Urban Dog Coffee (my favorite coffee shop in Dallas).  And, this was a fourth date.  We met last year, and I guess you could say we've been building a friendship.  We share a passion for music - he is a singer/songwriter and accomplished recording artist.  We talked over his espresso and my vanilla tea latte, while sharing a cranberry orange muffin.  He talked about his current projects, and I talked about mine.  He talked about his preferred guitar amps, and as he began to describe the combination of solid state and tube amps, he began to launch into a massive amount of technical detail that made my mind wander into his eyes, his voice and his soul.  I admitted he had lost me - and I felt myself blush.  I do find knowledge attractive...he's attractive.

A bit later, I filled him in on Project Husband.  I wasn't sure how he would react, but he loved it.  He thought it was brilliant.  He also agreed to be videotaped - definitely a good sport.  I asked him some of my interview questions and gave him time to ask me questions.  The conclusion:  it seems as if our values are aligned, but our families are different.  His family is not openly affectionate, and mine couldn't be more affectionate.  He's also unsure of his desire to be a father, while I am certain I want to be a mother.  The date overall was very good.  We'll see...

After the coffee date, I joined two single girls and a single guy for dinner at Taco Diner.  I knew the girls, and the guy was my friend's match date.  She just wanted to bring along her girls!  It was fun....I recruited them to come to the singles mixer next week, and the guy from match said he'd bring some single friends.  So, there is power in working together in finding love!!!!

Today, I arrived in Florida to see my mom and to try on wedding dresses.  My goal was to get video footage and try on some dresses with my mom - just to see what was out there.  My mom made the appointment for me, and when we arrived, the store wanted no photography or recording of the dresses.  So, I brushed it off and quickly found four dresses I liked and wanted to try.  At the second dress, I found the one I wanted....totally unexpectedly!  I had only wanted to dip my feet in the pool.  I didn't think I'd be motivated to jump off the diving board....but I'm in deep over this dress.  It is AMAZING.  Like a glove.  But I'm not ready to decide yet.  The good news is that the dress can be ordered at any time, with 4 months' notice....!!

Tomorrow, I head to Miami for a friend's bachelorette party (I'm a bridesmaid in the wedding).....I will be scoping for husbands in South Beach!

John Mayer and Project Husband - It's all spiritual...

Last night was an amazing night.  It was a birthday party - a surprise for a friend and singer/songwriter, Daniel Crisler.  The trifecta of birthday girls (all born on Feb 9) - Cyndie, Elizabeth and myself - decided to surprise Daniel with a birthday concert - John Mayer.  It was an amazing show.  And, Michael Franti, the opener, was more than amazing.  He totally exceeded my expectations - I've never seen a performer more entrenched in the audience surrounding him.  Franti moved himself around the venue and ended up inches away from us at American Airlines Center.  The show was incredible.

Nonetheless, the main thing I took from the show was a question from my friend, Cyndie.  She asked me about Project Husband in a very sincere way.  She expressed genuine concern.   She could tell that I was feeling pressure, and she reminded me that I was on the quest for a husband and not a deadline.  I am so grateful for her.  She helped me remember that the prompting I had to start Project Husband was spiritual.  I felt it at my friend Amy's wedding - and it wasn't only about the wedding.  It was about finding a partner.  Cyndie reminded me of that today.  And, I asked her to be a bridesmaid!

After last night, I have continued to reflect on the spiritual element of Project Husband.  Just days after I had the idea, I was leading musical worship at church in Frisco (as I do every Sunday), and the message for the week was entirely relevant.  The message centered around taking risk and having faith.  The message was that God intends for each of us to live big.  And, we are surrounded with God's love and support.  Thus, we have everything we need to live our lives to the fullest potential - as long as we believe in ourselves, take risks and have faith.  Regardless of your religious beliefs, you can attain your dreams.  I believe we have dreams as a means to access our souls, our spirits and our potential.  When I listen to my heart, I know I can find my bliss.  When I listen to negativity, doubt, worry or fear, I'm held back, and my spirit is crushed.

Project Husband is a spiritual journey for me - I'm being tested - and I have faith that the journey is just beginning.  I believe that part of my purpose is to live my life with a partner - to become a better person with the love and support of a soulmate.

Project Husband | position description and interview questions

I'm applying an executive recruiting approach...I developed the following job description and interview questions.  My previous boss, who has 35+ years experience in executive recruiting, gave me his input.  My dad, a CEO with over 30 years experience, also gave his feedback:

Project Husband

Position Description

Background:

I seek a groom for my wedding on February 15, 2011.  Ultimately, I seek a man and partner to share the rest of my life.  The role requires intelligence, ambition, humor, good looks, humility, patience, high level of self-confidence and willingness to make a committed relationship a priority.  My partner will want to start a family and have children.

Requirements:

·      Baccalaureate Degree (preferred); advanced degree (a plus)

·      Age range – 25-55

·      Attention to detail as well as the big picture

·      Track record in professional and personal success

·      Unmarried or divorced, no children preferable

·      Ability to communicate clearly and effectively

·      Appreciation of small dogs (I have a toy poodle)

·      Appreciation for a family of friends and ability to create/maintain a strong group of friends

·      Thorough appreciation of the arts, music, movies, travel, fine dining, as well as dive bars

·      Ability to work with a woman in a partnership and to take the lead when necessary

·      Self-confidence (personally secure)

·      Ability to listen, establish credibility and gain confidence

·      Musical appreciation (required); musical ability and singing skills (a plus)

·      Ability to deal with a highly self-confident woman 

·      Sense of humor!!

Primary Interview Questions:

How do you feel you meet the requirements listed above?

Tell me about your relationship with your immediate family.  What’s your birth order?

Tell me about your career over the last 10 years.

What is your proudest accomplishment?

Tell me about the biggest mistake you made.  What did you learn from it, and what would you do differently?

How would your friends describe you?

Where have you lived, and what has been your favorite place and why?

Where have you traveled?  Talk about a favorite place and/or experience.

What is your opinion on gender roles?

Have you ever been married?  Do you have children?

What do you think it takes to make a marriage work?

What do you think tests or damages a relationship?

Would you like to have children?  How many?

Do you have pets?  Do you like pets?

Tell me about your eating, drinking and working out habits.  Do you smoke or do drugs?

Describe your religious or spiritual beliefs.

Describe an ideal date.

Where do you live?  Are you open to relocation?

Where do you see yourself in the next 10 years?

What is your view on money and finances?

Describe your ideal mate.

What questions do you have for me?

Funny stuff from earlier date + last night's date

I was talking to my dad last night, and I remembered some date details that had eluded me...

On a recent date, a couple of interesting things happened - first, the date told me something huge and horrible had happened to him.  He was quiet for a minute, and I said, "tell me."  He said it wasn't first date conversation, so I didn't press it.  But, I think I make people feel comfortable in conversation - must be the social work training - maybe too comfortable!!  The date progressed nicely.  He was interesting and thoughtful.  At the end of the date, he told me he is nostalgic, and he started to cry.  It was amazing.  I've realized that men can be just as sensitive as women are.  But I was pretty surprised that he cried.  I guess I brought tears to his eyes :)  I was pretty shocked....and I forgot it had happened until I talked to my dad about the recent dating updates.  Incidentally, my dad is dating right now, too, and his stories are hilarious!!!

Perhaps Project Wife will be next.....!!!

Also, last night, I had a second date planned, but he had to cancel.  He said he had been working late and had only had a few hours of sleep over the last couple of nights.  He asked to reschedule, and we made plans for Wednesday.  We'll see.....I was annoyed, since my time is valuable.  But I did enjoy the quiet evening at home.  Zoe, my pup, was happy, too. 

Yesterday's dates...one stands out

I had two dates yesterday....both interesting...both fun....but one stands out....

The first date was meant to be at a coffee shop, but the shop had closed, so we ventured to a nearby restaurant.  We ended up having some wine and a late lunch/snack.  The conversation was excellent - clearly he was a thoughtful and intelligent guy.  However, I did not feel attracted to him.  I know he is attractive, but I didn't feel he was my type.  As we talked and spent more time together, I grew to like him as a person.  But I still didn't feel the urge to be near him.  I feel he is more of a friendship candidate, and since that's not what I'm looking for, I don't know that a second date would be fair.  But is it too hasty to cut someone off after one date?  What if he had an off day?  What if I am too picky?  What if I have an image/profile in my mind that doesn't exist?  Will I be alone forever if I keep my standards too high?  Or will I find my match by sticking to my guns and trusting my instincts?  How many chances are we supposed to give a date?  If I know how I feel in my heart right now, is it unfair to string him along?  He was such a good sport about Project Husband - he was cool with the camera and genuinely interested in my process....but still, I didn't feel a tug at my heart or a rush of blood.

On the other hand, the second date yesterday was a first date with a physician.  He arrived early, and I was sitting with a girlfriend whom I had met earlier to have girl time before date time.  Also, this girlfriend is my first confirmed bridesmaid.  Since my date was early, he sat with both of us.  And, he was a great sport from the beginning.  I told him he'd have two dates for a little while, and it was nice to see how he interacted with my friend, Monica.  His background is Spanish, and he has a slight accent and great looks to prove it....Now, he is my type.  I knew from the beginning of the date that I liked him, and he was totally on board with Project Husband.  Monica got 30 minutes of video footage from our date, but it was too long to upload on YouTube.  So, my video expert friend, Casey, is working on some edits.

My dinner date, Fernando, was wonderful - warm, fun, outgoing, friendly, interesting and very nice looking.....professional, looking for relationship.  He is a keeper - I'm looking forward to a second date.  But I'm going to give him some time and space to reach out to me...he did send a text after dinner saying that it was a lovely date.  I told him he was wonderful....seems the feeling is mutual.

Unveiled at the Dallas Convention Center + anonymous date

Yesterday's Unveiled bridal event got me in the mood!!  I met with various vendors and got to see ideas for everything wedding-related.  From cakes (thank you Opulent Cakes for the samples - YUM!) to dresses to flowers, Unveiled covered everything a girl could need for a wedding.  The most inspiring part of the event was the fashion show.  Seeing the models in wedding gowns made me feel something big...something emotional, important, significant and exciting.  I felt happy and hopeful, and I was dreaming of love....dreaming of my day to wear a fabulous dress and celebrate with my friends and family.  Casey Romanski, guitar player and videographer extraordinaire, came to the event with me and documented my conversations, my photo shoot with Premiere Photography and the fashion show.  I can't wait to see the footage - it is downloading as I write this!

As I met with the various vendors and told them about my story, smiles emerged, lights went on, people laughed and some people seemed a little shocked at first.  By and large, everyone was supportive, excited and thoughtful....everyone had some ideas to lend.  People were thinking of potential bachelors, and some people were excited to attend the singles mixers that I have planned.  People want love!

Mostly, I was thankful to Kathy and the staff at Premiere Photography for arranging a special photo shoot for me and for graciously watching Casey's camera bag...Premiere has an amazing team, and I can't wait to see the photos from our first shoot.  They also will be at the singles mixer at the House of Blues Foundation Room Thursday, March 18th to document the evening.

I can't wait to try on dresses with my mom this coming week in Florida.....I can't wait to feel the dress on my skin and see myself in the shoes of a bride.

Incidentally, after the bridal show, I had an afternoon date over wine and cheese at a Spanish restaurant.  My date was gorgeous....totally dark and handsome......and although we met online, we realized we had met before....and we were connecting, and it was sort of intense.  So I told him I had a confession, and he was scared....and he thought Project Husband was brilliant.  But he preferred to remain anonymous.  Thus, I will not tell you his name or show you his picture....but I had a great time with him.  Unfortunately, his choice to remain anonymous means that he's not interested in being a groom....but that's life, right?!  And I need to know the truth.  The truth is that he's been married and recently divorced, and I feel he is still healing.  I am healed - I am ready for a lasting connection and a committed relationship.  projecthusband@gmail.com is finally getting some action....and some interesting emails from very interesting men....!!!!!  I have a coffee date after church today and a dinner date - both first dates, so I will keep you posted and will pray that they do not want to be anonymous!

CW 33 and last night

Yesterday was an action packed day....

In the afternoon, I met with a fantastic team at the CW 33 TV station in Dallas.  My neighbor and friend, Anna, works for the station and set up the meeting.  The station wants to help me tell my story, which is awesome.  I met with a full team at the CW 33, from creative services director to producer.  The station is as excited as I am!  I purchased the domain projecthusband.com, and Anna is helping me administer the content.  There will be pics, video, blogging, interactive discussions, polls and all kinds of fun stuff!

Last night, I had a double date with my good friend, Joanie, and her boyfriend and a date from match.com.  My date and I first met months ago - probably around November.  And we had a nice first date back then.  For our second date, he was running late from a business meeting and couldn't make it in time to meet me.  So, we missed our chance there, and I was annoyed at his poor time management skills.  He sort of redeemed himself by taking me to the airport in December for my holiday trip.  We stayed in touch after that point, but we did not see each other until last night.  He is sweet and young - 26 to my 35.  But he is mature and sensitive and loyal to his family.  I like him.  It's a slow connection for me, however.  It's not an immediate get over here and touch me connection.  But it's a nice, comfortable vibe with him.  As the night progressed, I wanted to get closer to him, and we did move closer at our table.  Joanie and her date were adorable and totally into each other.  My date and I took a while longer to gain physical proximity, but it did happen.  And it was nice.  I'd say he's in the running.....I've got at least a few nice bachelors in the line up....and it's all good!!

One of the best parts about Project Husband is hearing other people's love stories.  Yesterday at the TV station, I heard about two romantic unions.  Both were very inspiring.  One woman didn't find her man until her late 40's, but she is totally in love and content with her companion.  She said it happened for her as soon as she fully accepted and loved herself.  Interesting...The other woman I spoke with said that she and her husband took their time at first, but he remained persistent, and over time, she fell completely in love with him.  She had beautiful flowers and truffles on her desk - sent from her hubby for her birthday.  I just love how people light up and smile when they talk about love.  I want that!

Dating update

Well, I had a date last night and another today at lunch.  Last night's date was a meeting over drinks.  We met at the Living Room in the W Hotel....it's a great lounge just off the lobby, and it offers comfy seating with a lively atmosphere.  I arrived at 7:30pm, our set meeting time.  I noticed a cute guy sitting alone and thought he looked different from the match.com profile, but he was cute and alone....so, we made eye contact, and I said hi.  He said hi.  I said, "are you Brian?"  He said, "Am I buying?"  I laughed and said, I am looking for Brian.  He said, "Oh.  I'll buy the second round."  It was hilarious!!!  At 7:32, I sent a text to my date letting him know that I was sitting in the lounge.  He called to tell me he was lost.  I gave him directions and sat by myself as I waited.  The cute guy then had a friend arrive, so he was occupied, and I was preoccupied.  I was thinking about the potential date, and as the minutes ticked by, I sent text messages, played Words With Friends and had an incessant inner monologue.

My date arrived at 8pm, exactly 30 minutes late.  He apologized, and he looked really cute, so I forgave him.  He looked exactly like his online profile, which was awesome.  That does not always happen....He said that I looked great...and he liked what he saw.  He got up to get us drinks, and he asked what I wanted.  I said Pinot Noir.  He said he had to go to the bathroom, so he went to the men's room, went to the bar and came back with a beer and a glass of white wine.  I said Pinot Noir is red, isn't it?!  He said did I get you the wrong drink?  I said I had asked for Pinot Noir.  He apologized and said he ordered Pinot Grigio.  I was thinking - hmmmm.....doesn't pay attention!  He did say it was his fault for not paying attention, and he offered to take it back.  He said Pinot Grigio is his favorite wine, and I agree that it's an awesome white.  But it was a cold night, and I was in the mood for red.  But I drank the white, and he redeemed himself by getting me a Pinot Noir when I finished the Grigio....it was funny, though!!

We definitely had a physical connection.  He kept brushing my arm or touching my leg as he talked, so I thought - hey, the attraction is there!  We talked about movies - neither of us love horror movies, and we talked about work and a little about past relationships, where we grew up, our families....but mainly the wine tasted great, and he looked great!  It was a good connection....and there was a kiss or two...so we shall see!  He texted me today to say he'd like to get together again, so that's a good sign.

Today, I had a lunch date with another guy from match.com.  He also looked like his profile and even better.  He was adorable and had a great energy about him as well as a lime green sweater, which made him look really cute.  Honestly, it was the best lunch date I've ever had.  We really connected on an emotional and intellectual level.  We talked about his work - information technology.  We talked about travel (a passion for both of us).  We talked about immersing ourselves in culture, and we shared travel stories about Japan, Spain, Germany, England, France....and more.  He told me about his family and especially talked about his sister.  It was a balanced conversation, and I have to say that my listening skills have really improved....I love to talk, and sometimes I have to make myself shut up!  But it was easy with him - I loved hearing him talk.  I loved his expressions and excitement and passion for life.  It was like sitting across from a male version of myself in some ways.

We finished eating and just sat and talked.  We were at lunch for nearly an hour and 45 minutes, which was great.  We had a really nice hug at the end of lunch outside near my car.  The sun was shining, and it was the most beautiful day in Dallas....felt like L.A. weather!  He said he would call me on Monday to make plans for next week.  And then he texted me after we left each other.  It was so sweet and sincere, and the connection was palpable.  Plus it was in the middle of the day with full sunlight and no wine.....and I felt giddy!  This guy is a keeper.....

Both dates were good - I was attracted to both of them - and I think they'd both make great boyfriends....we'll see what happens....perhaps they are marriage material, but it is too soon to be sure....    

Wedding photographer booked - Premiere Photography

I met with an amazing team a Premiere Photography today - and we will be working together for my wedding!!  http://weddingsbypremiere.com/

The first step is a photo shoot this Saturday during the Unveiled bridal event at the Dallas Convention Center.  I love the creativity and personalization that the studio offers....and it is located across the street from the wedding venue.

The wedding planning process is coming right along...this weekend's bridal event should inspire some great ideas.  Also, I have four dates planned through the weekend, so we'll see how the groom hunting unfolds...!!

During my meeting at Premiere, two potential grooms emerged in conversation....one loves dogs (which is good for my Zoe), and the other sounds like a sweet, professional guy looking for a good woman.

So, bring on the grooms!!!  Thank you to everyone for your support and encouragement.  This just feels right for me...it may not be for everyone, but I believe that the boldness of Project Husband will help me attract someone who not only tolerates my assertiveness but also really likes it!!!

xoxo
Lisa

Will You Marry Me video is here....

Here is a link to my video for Project Husband, which includes the song that I wrote......"I Wanna Get Married - Will You Marry Me?"  Project Husband video

Casey Romanski helped me put it together - thank you, Casey!!  This is my first Project Husband video....with more to come.

I'm putting it out there!!
projecthusband@gmail.com