Tuesday, March 23, 2010

4 dates straight

Last night marked the fourth consecutive date I had with a fantastic guy I just met through a mutual friend in our social network.  We saw each other each night after we met....it was kind of crazy, I admit, but he initiated the plans, and our schedules were aligned, so I went for it.  Plus, yesterday was his birthday....

Nonetheless, I had an immediate connection with this guy, and it just continued to flow.  The crazy thing is that I started to doubt it for a minute last night.  At first, I got scared and was thinking there was a red flag.  He had only been sweet and funny and charismatic....but I was thinking it was all too good to be true.  For a fleeting moment, deep, dark doubt filled my mind.  As much as I had wanted to find someone like this, I started to react by thinking I should push him away.  I let the thoughts ruminate in my brain and the feelings emerge in my heart, but I thought about them further....and I realized the doubt came from the failures I had in past relationships.

Today, with a clear head, I could be more objective.  I know he's a good thing...but I'm glad we're having a night apart tonight, so that we can miss each other a little!  It's good to keep separate lives when getting to know each other (and after the confirmed union).  But, is it human to want to hold onto something good and experience it everyday when it feels so natural?  Do we have to fight the human urge in order to maintain the space required for a strong relationship?  The cool part for me is that I didn't have to put on the brakes - I manage an open mic on Tuesdays from 7 to midnight, which means we can't have plans tonight.  And, he didn't ask me to spend time with him tonight, so it's happening organically that we're creating some space.  

The early part of the relationship is so exciting and addictive....leaves us wanting more and consumed with thoughts of the other person.  It's an awesome feeling, but it's scary at the same time....because, what if this one ends like all the others did?  What if we hurt each other?  What if we let each other down?  It was so much easier to be alone....yet this person inspires me to be a better person and inspires me to want to share my life.  I feel so connected so soon, yet there is still so much more for us to learn about each other.  A little space and time will make the ride that much better.  I'm excited for the adventure.  I'm lucky to have met someone great who wants to spend time with me.  I just have to stay positive and have faith that everything will be okay...and I will find my bliss with the right person.

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