Wednesday, March 31, 2010

It will happen when you least expect it?

Yesterday, I received the same advice from two trusted male friends.....they said - don't try too hard - it will happen when you least expect it.  I have heard this same sentiment multiple times from men since launching my Project Husband journey.

I appreciate the input, and I agree on some levels.  For instance, I know that I recently found a wedding dress when I wasn't looking for one.  During a trip to Greece, I finally found a taxi on Santorini when my group stopped looking for one.  When I go shopping, I tend to find things when I'm not really looking.  Recently, when I was looking for a formal gown for a friend's wedding, I shopped for hours with no luck.

However, in finding a mate and a husband, I've spent my entire adult life not looking for one - in fact, I think I pushed some away.  I haven't been shopping for a man to complete my life.  I have been working to form my own identity, to reach my own potential and to achieve self actualization.  Upon turning 35, something changed for me.  I was open to the idea of being married for the first time.  As a girl and young adult, I thought I'd probably get married because that's what I was supposed to do.  The longer I lived my life as a single, self-sufficient, empowered woman, the easier it was to remain alone.  However, I started to realize the potential happiness involved in a solid and loving marriage.  For the first time, I felt I would get married because I finally wanted to do so.

Now, I feel completely open to the idea of sharing my life with someone and committing to a marriage.  I know it won't be easy - but I know that the most wonderful things I've experienced in life involved risk and hard work.  No risk, no reward.  No pain, no gain.  It's true!!  And, the harder I work, the luckier I get...

So, I challenge everyone to re-think the relationship advice - "it will happen when you least expect it."  Let's re-phrase that - "it will happen when your heart is open to it, but you can't force it, and you can't make someone love you."  Think of the Bonnie Raitt song.

I know I can't control a man and can't force one to fall in love with me and want to marry me.  But I can let the world know that I am ready to commit to a great, loving man.  And, I believe that the Law of Attraction will lead me to my man.  I'm putting a timeline on this as a social experiment - and because I don't want life to pass me by.....World - I'm ready!  Help me find the man of my dreams because he's meant for me and because of the synchronicity involved in my prompting to launch Project Husband.


  1. You are right on. Those who are in a wishful thinking mode may get lucky and find the right one. One has to be very clear about the goal. The confusion comes differentiating a 'date' mode to 'marriage' mode. Date mode is more like a window shopping where you might find something right for you without putting so much effort in it. While 'marriage' mode has a time line and clear goal. Once you get in 'marriage' mode seriousness is sexy. You need to invest time and energy in those who are also seriously looking. Because your return on a man who is in window shopping mode to convert into commitment mode will be low.
    Good luck. Keep up the faith and stay focused.

  2. What you are doing is innovative but has a lot in common with how arrangement for marriage was often done in the past or is often done in other cultures. In times past and often in other cultures, when a man or woman is ready to get married, it is announced (often by a family member) that the young lady is available. Then the available men who are interested contact the woman or the family and express their interest. The woman then (after a series of meetings) makes a choice. This also happens similarly when the man announces he is available for marriage.

    I enjoyed your statements on what you think the quest for a mate is like. I also am one who doesn't think one should wait for the unexpected. One thing I would like to add is the stage of life. You stand a much better chance of establishing a connection if the person is in the same stage of life as you. Otherwise, even if you like the person it is similar to trying to a puzzle piece where it doesn't belong and it takes awhile longer for the two of you to come together.

    Good Luck.